A blank slate

It is to cry in all honesty. Wow, my newbauchery has reached an all time high it seems. Or is it luck/fate/some other reasoning I can place the blame on and hope it doesn't fall on me? Either way, the cosmic humor of the situation can't help but be laughed at if only I weren't the butt of the joke.

Way back last year I reapplied to go back to University, since it's the dream of every responsible adult to get an education and contribute to society... or so I've been told. I hadn't heard from them for awhile, since well, it was understandable that they need to think on my application since I'm a previous drop-out.

I moved soon after for a different higher paying job. What I didn't know was that soon after I'd left, they'd sent a response back to my 'old' address... declaring that I could go back to school. I finally got this letter back since the old land lord passed it on to a friend of mine who passed it on to me. It's only 6 month's late, so I guess that's ok.

Off I go to reapply again... hoping they don't throw my app out the window like a waste of paper.

Xero

I lost a brother Yesterday morning.

He wasn't my brother by blood.. but blood never meant anything when it came to who I called my brother or my sister. If you were someone I could feel close to and comfortable, you were akin to a sibling to me.

So now I and the rest of the family are left with only the question that remains in the face of picking up the pieces. Why? Why did this happen? So many things carried in that one question that it hurts to think on it. You feel like an asshole when you try to not dwell on it, as it feels like a form of escapism and that you're betraying what we'd shared. And yet the only other real option is to let the pain press down on you until it feels like it'll tear you apart.

I'm in emotional numbness right now, slowly letting the reality of the situation hit me. And it hurts.. good lord it hurts... I'll try and keep this updated during the week. Lord knows im bad at that, but I'll try.

I love you Diana..

Marc

Cuts, bruises, injuries. I've always been able to deal with these things with a stoic silence and simply grin and bear it... even continuing to play sports with them stupidly. but give me something like a blister, a rash, or anything else along those lines. and i turn into a big sissy... being driven mad by the constant and infuriating reminder that this aggravation exists.. the pinpricks of fire travelling through my hands despite my attempts to ward them off.

so now im caught in a quandry. i like being employed.. i like being paid.. but do i consider it worthwhile if by doing so.. i must relegate my hands to gaining crocodile skin and hardened leather in order to endure the constant untouchable heat ever present in my workplace? I think this is probably another instance of me becoming bored with a job once i've learned all the core fundamentals of the position, where the only challenge is in learning the routine even faster every day much akin to Principal Skinner's basketball challenge.

I was told the other day that i looked really stressed during work. maybe i was. since i was the sole person in the kitchen, having to deal with the 40 things that piled up somehow without me noticing. maybe i was simply waiting to hear another blithe remark on how i fucked up, or how i was still inadequate. if it had been the latter, i'm 99.99% positive that i would have simply and calmly... blown up on the person and sent em away crying.

so now i got work tomorrow.. and i have to figure out how to get to the bank to pay rent since the damned scotiabank was closed today. i guess thats the problem with having learned to ride the flows of time. no wave can stay at an apex for too long, sooner or later its gonna crash. now i have to learn a new skill to go along with riding these waves.. i need to learn how to brace for impact... maybe even tuck and roll. ^_~

after all, what can I say.

I learn quickly.

I'm a man of few words, sooo.. if you've read this far i only have one more thing to say to my friends and family.

Live, love, laugh. for laughter is the music of the soul, love makes things worthwhile, and life is precious in all its entirety... except for those stinking allie's in WoW... FOR THE HORDE!!!

Marc~

Life is good.

I don't write nearly enough of these instances of my life in my LJ, about the parts of my life where things are rolling with a flow. I dunno why.. maybe Diana is right and my heart is full of haeterade and i just don't realize it. =P

but the point of this little blurb is that things are going really well now. I had no clue Prince George would be able to do so much good for me in terms of tension release.. which is so damned weird in that after i get back from playing sports or work my body is tense from strain. but thats another story.

its the lack of emotional tension that my family was always so willing to hand to me. its the fact that i'm able to simply try and see me for me again. Something I'd been able to do for quite awhile since I've been forced to help my family with their problems and seeing their faults for so long i'd not looked at myself. fuck-ups and all.

and weird as it is. It feels good to see myself as only human sometimes. to not feel as if i need to live by impossible expectations simply because my family expects them of me. By family, i actually mean the extended family of aunties and uncles. my mom's one of those people where she'd be proud of me in whatever i do, as long as i was happy doing it.

I'm rambling i know, but its hard to stay on topic when you don't really have a focus point in a blurb. So i'm really just writing for the sake of writing. Cuz thats partially what this Lj is for, to let the people who actually read it know about whats what in me life. So even if you dont see me as often online, I just want ya'll to know that things are good.

Although Myles, if you could tell me how you deal with steam burns that'd be awesome. >.>

so off i go into the world. the newest cook at the C.H. KFC.

Diana: I love you sweety.

:: how nintendo are you? ::









and for everyone whos made it to the bottom of this chain of meme's.. join hands like the buncha hippies you are and wish kunoichiisninja a happy birthday!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.................

The Slow Dancer Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDm) Steady, reliable, and cradling her tenderly. Take a deep breath, and let it out real easy...you are The Slow Dancer. Your focus is love, not sex, and for your age, you have average experience. But you're a great, thoughtful guy, and your love life improves every year. There's also a powerful elimination process working in your favor: most Playboy types get stuck raising unwanted kids before you even begin settling down. The women left over will be hot and yours. Your ideal woman is someone intimate, intelligent, and very supportive. Your exact opposite: The Hornivore Random Brutal Sex Master While you're not exactly the life of the party, you do thrive in small groups of smart people. Your circle of friends is extra tight and it's HIGHLY likely they're just like you. You appreciate symmetry in relationships. ALWAYS AVOID: The Battleaxe CONSIDER: The Maid of Honor or The Sonnet Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating

K.. so on commandment from Diana.. I find myself updating my lj on my birthday.. mostly because ive been so slack about updating it at all that its been a few months. SO here I am, another year older, hard to believe its been roughly a year since the midnight cake attack of 2006.

Trevor, if you ever read this.. you'll be saddened to learn that my alcohol tolerance hasn't gone up one iota since we left. It still borders just a little above that level stephie was at on New Years... you remember right?

Soo... I'm overall still a little bummed out because the weekend plans were totally shot. I'd originally wanted to go to Prince George, see my friends on my birthday, and just chill and go out there. But no... cuz my sister was retarded and couldn't make any calls herself or make a decision, a doctors appointment was made for my birthday... *sigh* so yeah.. a little bummed by that.

Oh well.. here's hoping i get the Support Worker position. Wish me luck people.

Marc

PS: I love you Diana you incurable geek. <3333 and all my friends out there, you make me almost forget how much I haet my birthday.

1. Comment with your name and I'll say something about you.
2. I'll tell you which singer / anime / game reminds me of you.
3. I'll tell you something we have in common.
4. I'll tell you something I envy from you.
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
7. If I fill this for you, you must meme too.

wee, tagged~ =P

List five songs that you currently love. It doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the songs in your blog. Then tag five other Livejournal friends to see what they're listening to.

Thus, in no particular order:

1) Fallout - 16Stitch / The man who sold the world - Nirvana
Every once in awhile you come across that piece of media that just kinda changes your perspective of the world around you, makes you stop and look a little closer at the small things that make you the person you are today. The movies that did that to me were the two choice pieces of Fight Club, and Equilibrium. These two songs gave me that same piece of minute perspective. They didn't blow the foundations of my world, but every time I listen to them I can't help but think, and once on awhile I'll feel my chest tighten simply because of how the music itself resonates with me. its eerie, but there you go.

2) Like the Angel / Heaven Knows / Life less Frightening - Rise Against
yeah.. there are three here, but when I get into a mood for Rise Against I don't just listen to one of their songs.. what can I say about these here, they get me pumped no matter what Im doing, even if its just bucking up and piling firewood.

3) A sorta fairytale (101 mix) - Tori Amos
Whoa.. a tori amos song? on my list? watttt? yeah i know right? I dunno.. the almost sad, almost melancholy beat of the song is very chill, lets me just relax at the end of the day and sort through and filter all the junk.

4) Pray - Tommy Heavenly6, Brand New Day - Mizuhashi Mai, Easy Living - Infinite Ryvius, Come - Namie Amuro
what are you? the song count gestapo? back off already.. These three songs are some of my favorite JPoppy type songs, the fact that they've survived beyond a few months is something I didn't think possible with Jpop songs. Come by Namie Amuro is definately a shocker, its one of the last endings of the Inuyasha Anime which has been canceled for at least a year now. How it still sticks in my head probably has to do with the haunting tones of the song itself and how its very trance.

5) I write sins not tragedies / The only difference between martyrdom and suicide is press coverage / Camisado - Panic! at the disco.
I hate this band for their freakishly long names, but man can they get me tapping my feet. Like the same above, I just set my mp3 player to PatD mode whenever i'm in the mode and just kinda flow with the tunes.

aaaand... i tag the following people, Diana gets off free cuz she originally posted this:

So here's my first update in the time frame of... almost 2 months I think.

Despite such a massive frame of time seeming to fly by without me even realizing, I don't really have any amusing anecdotes or delightful yarns to spin for sheer amazement. What I do have are simply questions that kinda resound in my mind now that its officially been over a year since I left for Katimavik. The first of which being. how long?

How long before I become a simple memory to the people in the program who I became really attached to? How long before I become ol whatsisface and just a small detail in one of the stories that are told regarding some of our more insane and random hyjinx? I dunno, it feels like that time has already come and gone, and everyone has moved beyond the stage of remembrance and put me and the rest inside a heart-shaped box waiting to be opened at a later date. Blargh. I need to move on as well I guess.

You can't help but question stuff that happens while in Limbo. From death, to just general happenstance. Saturday, the day before thanksgiving. My auntie Anne died while she was visiting her boys in Victoria. The news came from nowhere and just fell into my lap. I felt dazed, a bit confused, but more than anything else, I just felt really tired. I loved her, she was one of my favorite people to randomly run into because she was always so nice no matter what was going on around her. So when I found out, well, I couldn't cry, I couldn't even find the energy to force myself through the day. So I went back to bed and slept until the day was gone. Pathetic avoidance yes. But if thats how my day was going to start, I wanted nothing to do with what happened next.

Thanksgiving was great, what could be wrong about having 3-4 families to share the festivities with over the extended weekend. although there was one sad point in the proceedings. The Olson's, my extended family, don't have enough people home to even have their own dinner anymore, so they went and joined the Wesley's for their's. A nice convenient thing yes. But the Olson family dinner was always one of my favorite parts of Turkey Day. I dunno, I guess I'm over-analyzing things and just being generally emo right now. And as cliche and over contrived as it sounds, I fucking hate feeling like this.

I refuse to put copy the meme that the entire RP is using.. I want no part of it..

...

...

ok ok ok...

+WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I...+
I committed suicide:
I said I liked you:
I kissed you:
I lived next door to you:
I started smoking:
I stole something:
I was hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got into a fight and you weren't there:

+WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY...+
Personality:
Eyes:
Hair:
Family:

+WOULD YOU...+
Be my friend?:
Keep a secret if I told you one?:
Hold my hand?:
Take a bullet for me?:
Keep in touch?:
Try and solve my problems?:
Love me?:
Date me?:

+HAVE YOU EVER...+
Lied to make me feel better?:
Wanted to kiss me?:
Wanted to kill me?:
Broke my heart?:
Kept something important from me?:
Thought I was unbearably annoying?:

+AND MORE...+
1. Who are you?:
2. Are we friends?:
3. When and how did we meet?:
6. Describe me in one word.:
7. What was your first impression?:
8. Do you still think that way about me now?:
9. What reminds you of me?:
10. If you could give me anything what would it be?:
11. How well do you know me?:
12. When's the last time you saw me?:
13. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?:
14. Are you gonna paste this to your journal see what I say about you?:

and as for everyone else.. I'll see if I can do something for yours ^^;;;

so yeah.. wow.. its been awhile my poor little lj. such feelings of neglect you must have. but here i am with an update most small. I've been in Vancouver for almost 3 weeks now, just chilling out and enjoying my 3 weeks off before I have to head back home and begin the truly arduos part of tree planting that I hate. 5 oclock wake ups

nothing I hate more than early morning wakeups.. makes me wonder how the hell I was functioning in Katimavik when I was going to bed at 3-4, then waking up at 7-8. Its no wonder I had borderling narcolepsy on some days. but anyhow, yeah. things? good. time with diana? good. arepee durama? Not so much. but hey, hopefully it'll all smooth over.

You scored as II - The High Priestess. The High Priestess is a card of intuition, instinct and hidden knowledge. She knows all your secrets, you can hide nothing from her. Yet you will never know the secrets she herself protects.If well aspected in a Tarot spread, this card can indicate the use of intuition to solve problems; trust to your instincts. If badly aspected, it can mean suppression and ignoring of such instincts - following your head at the expense of your heart. </td> I - Magician 75% II - The High Priestess 75% VIII - Strength 63% XVI: The Tower 63% VI: The Lovers 63% XI: Justice 56% XIII: Death 56% IV - The Emperor 50% XIX: The Sun 50% XV: The Devil 50% 0 - The Fool 44% III - The Empress 44% X - Wheel of Fortune 25% Which Major Arcana Tarot Card Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

× I miss somebody right now.  (cuz... obvious reasons..)	✓ I don't watch much TV these days.	✓ I own lots of books.
✓ I wear glasses or contact lenses.	✓ I love to play video games.	✓ I've tried marijuana.  (.... yes.. i am a sceevy stoner for having tried it.. getovah it..)
✓ I've watched porn movies.	× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.	✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
× I curse sometimes.  (more like 'too much')	✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.  (Katima will do that to you)	× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.

( it goes on... )

Hmmm... Man I've been so out of it these past few days. Maybe even few weeks. So much crap going on that its kinda hard to draw a line between whats what.

THe first bit of news I got was from home.. just like all of the bad news I receieve. One of my good friends had committed suicide. Seems a lot of stuff had been piling up in a short amount of time before it was just too much. I'd only just found out because my family wasn't sure if they should tell me or not.

The Second bit involves my sister, who's been in the hospital doing blood work testing to see if she's got a disorder that would start to fuse her spinal column together. She's barely older than I am... I hope that its not the case...

Third bit was a piece of good news. A friend was diagnosed with cancer... but they discovered it at such an early stage they were able to remove it with minimal trouble. ... yeah... thats good news.

Fourth. The program is finishing up, and my patience with peoples tendancys to play the asshole is wearing thin. To the point where Im starting to instigate these fuckers into tryin to argue with me. What the hell is wrong with me? I used to be able to just brush this goddamned crap off my shoulder with a laugh. Now it feels like pins and needles everytime 'soandso' fucking cracks wise, or 'whatsername' fucking butts into my conversation.

anyhow. thats the short newsflash. see ya guys soon before I start ranting up a storm.

Well well well.. another excursion ended.. and oddly enough, I'm not chewing nails.. it had even been enjoyable.

( Read more... )

These are just a few of the pics taken during the festivities, ranging from seeing the beautiful tides of Fundy, to the sheer cliffs of Point Enrage.. As opposed to the social learning from the excursion in Woodstock, this excursion was focused mainly on environmental scenery.

Our first day back was kinda chill, we toured the house and got used to the fact that we'll never have privacy again for another month. Then we left the next day and drove drove drove until we got to Hudson Oddities. Only getting lost twice in the process. Mapquests fault apparently.. So we got to the place and did some beachglass workshop, then went to see a soaperie to learn about the evils of the big bad soap companies. Did you know that... nah, its too gross to tell here. ^_~ We then we drove for another long ass while to see the Bay of Fundy. Then it was to the church... where I got the gift of Wireless Internet from the Good Church..

The next day was even more driving if you'd believe it.. we saw some beautiful scenery on the way to Pt Enrage, and when we arrived we were greeted by the sight of even more beautiful scenery. Then it was the drive to St John.. which is so fucking Bleh that it outta be the new name.. 'Welcome to New Bleh... Enjoy your stay.' We went to the New Brunswick Museum, I got an Ice Cap, which was so damned good Im convinced there's heroin in it. We then supposedly had free time, half of which was down the drain as we comically tried to find our way to a shopping centre of sorts. After realizing that I hadnt the money to buy the ext. DVD Burner I wanted, I went back to the van with my tail between my legs... I'm getting pissed at the whole situation, by the time I get the fucking burner I'll be heading home dammit.. So yeah, we went to the church next, where we then got ready for our movie night out. We went to the Davinci Code, which surprisingly enough I enjoyed. Not the greatest story ever told, but it do its job and make me think. After this lovely piece of film, we went back to the new Church where we watched Monty Python's Search for the holy Grail.. fitting I thought.

The next day we made our way to the Fundy Trail... which was like any other trail through the woods.. complete with complaining females who were out of shape.. I love Katimavik.. We got to the suspension bridge, took a few pics, found this tool in the water that looked like a piece of a UFO, then quickly turned around and went back to the van. We had 2 hours to get to Hopewell rock if we wanted to catch the lowest tide.. otherwise how would we possibly compare the differences in the tides? ONce that was over and done with, was the long long long long drive home. ... and now Im back to zero.. and the daily gring until I can one day find myself at home, with the one I wanna see most.

So Lata for now, peace love and all that jazz..

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?

Scar going over my left eye, caused by a fall down some stairs and smacking into the base of our fireplace.. any deeper and I probably would have lost my eye.

( only )

99. IN GENERAL, ARE YOU HAPPY?

yes.. but I still can't wait.. ^^

Leave a comment and I'll dig through my image folders and post the image that either most reminds me of you, or seems appropriate.

and

Using the Candybar Doll Maker http://elouai.com/doll-makers/new-dollmaker.php , make a doll of me from what you remember of my looks, (or how YOU picture me), and post it here in the comments. Once you've posted here, ask the same in your own journal and see what your friends think you look like!!!

So yeah.. turns out that BF has been gradually turning me towards the love of other man'whores.. PAndy.. I'm looking at you dammit.. its all you sexy bitches in the chats who are to blame.. >.<;;

Klein Sexual Orientation Grid

I scored an average of 1.43

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

Heterosexual

Bisexual

Homosexual

Meaning

This result can also be related to the Kinsey Scale:

0 = exclusively heterosexual
1 = predominantly heterosexual, incidentally homosexual
2 = predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3 = equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 = predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5 = predominantly homosexual, incidentally heterosexual
6 = exclusively homosexual

Summary

The idea of this excercise is to understand exactly how dynamic a person's sexual orientation can be, as well as how fluid it can be over a person's lifespan. While a person's number of actual homo/heterosexual encounters may be easy to categorize, their actual orientation may be completely different. Simple labels like "homosexual", "heterosexual", and "bisexual" need not be the only three options available to us.

Take the quiz

Phew..

A week as house manager.. and Im only four days in.. and I still have a weekend left before this damn stretch of boring insanity is over. Making bread isn't nearly as awesome as those fucking rappers make it out to be.. fucking liars.. so anyhow.. the meals I make have yet to garner a complaint, in fact, th only one I can really think of is the fact that I don't always make enough.. which is so fucking messed up, I make enough to feed 16 people... how the fuck does that add up?

BF Peeps: I love you insanity. you keep me grounded through it if youd believe that crap.. and Kyle.. your damn LJ post is locked, so noone can comment and get your answers you sexeh bitch.. XD

Family (even though you don't know of the existence of the journal.): I love ya, miss ya, and I'm glad you're all ok. I'm still gonna chokeabitch for fucking up my Camaro..

<td align="center"> Marc Jenkins --
[adjective]:

Smells like teen spirit

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com</td>

<td align="center"> Xero Ghost --
[adjective]:

Visually addictive

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com</td>

<td align="center"> Xero --
[noun]:

A person who laughs at anything (even this entry)

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com</td>

<td align="center"> Rei Jiiro --
[noun]:

A level headed person who always makes the wrong decision

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com</td>

LMAO...

ps: WOOT.. I finally found a mood theme I like.. ^_^